Notifying Loved Ones of a Death – How to Deliver the News

Order of notification

Notifying people of a death is one of the most difficult tasks in the midst of grief. A clear plan helps.

Primary notifications

Notify the closest family members first:

1. Spouse – if not present
2. Children – adult children first, then minors together with the other parent
3. Parents – the deceased's own parents
4. Siblings – the deceased's siblings
5. In-laws – the spouse's parents

Secondary notifications

After close relatives:

• Grandparents and other relatives
• Closest friends
• Neighbours and colleagues
• Acquaintances and hobby groups

Delegating

You are not obliged to notify everyone yourself:

• Ask a close relative to notify their own circle of relatives
• A friend of the deceased can notify the friend group
• At the workplace, the supervisor can inform colleagues
• In associations and hobby groups, the responsible person can handle the notification

Telling in person

Telling someone in person is the most humane and respectful way to communicate a death.

Preparation

• Choose a quiet and private place
• Make sure the person will not be alone after receiving the news
• Allow time – do not tell them in a rush
• Be prepared for your own emotions – crying is allowed

What to say

Be direct and clear:

• "I have some sad news. [Name] has died."
• "[Name] passed away [today/yesterday] [in hospital/at home]."
• Do not use euphemisms such as "left us" or "passed on to eternity" – they can cause confusion

Circumstances of the death

Briefly explain:

• When the death occurred
• Where the death occurred
• Whether the death was expected (long illness) or sudden
• Whether the deceased was alone or with loved ones
• You do not need to share all details immediately

Preparing for reactions

• Let the listener react in their own way – shock, tears, silence, denial are all normal
• Do not say "I know how you feel" – rather say "I'm sorry"
• Offer physical closeness if it feels natural (a hug, holding hands)
• Do not rush to leave – being present is the most important thing

Telling by phone

A phone call is an acceptable and often necessary method, especially due to long distances.

Preparing for the call

• Call yourself – do not send a text message first
• Make sure you have enough time for the call
• Choose a quiet place where you can speak without interruption
• Be prepared that the other person may not answer immediately

The course of the call

1. Ask if they can talk: "Do you have a moment? I have something important to tell you."
2. Tell them directly: "I wanted to tell you that [name] has died [today/yesterday]."
3. Allow them to react: Wait quietly, let the listener process the news
4. Describe the circumstances: Briefly what happened
5. Offer support: "Would you like me to come to you?" or "Is someone with you?"

When you cannot reach the person

• Leave a message: "Please call me back as soon as possible, I have something important"
• Do not leave the death notice on voicemail
• Try again within a reasonable time
• Consider a text message: "Can you call me? It is important and urgent."

Long-distance notifications

When the person lives abroad or far away:

• Consider the time difference – avoid calling in the middle of the night unless the matter is very urgent
• Tell them clearly what has happened
• Provide information about funeral arrangements and timing
• Offer help with travel arrangements

Notifying by message

A text message, email or messaging app is suitable for more distant acquaintances.

When a message is appropriate

• More distant acquaintances and colleagues
• When the person cannot be reached by phone despite several attempts
• When notifying a large group (e.g. a hobby group)
• When speaking is too difficult

Message content

A good notification message includes:

• Clear information about the death
• The time of death
• A brief mention of the circumstances
• Information about the funeral date (if known)
• A note on how to express condolences

Example message

I am sad to share that my father [name] has died on [date]. He passed away peacefully at home after a long illness. The funeral will be announced later. Condolences can be sent to the family at [address] or [email].

Messages to the deceased's phone

Messages may arrive on the deceased's phone from people who do not know about the death:

• Respond politely and inform them of the death
• You can use the deceased's phone to notify people not in the inner circle
• Check the deceased's calendar for the coming days – cancel appointments

Notifying the workplace

The workplace of both the deceased and the bereaved must be notified.

The deceased's employer

• Notify of the death as soon as possible
• Call the supervisor or HR department
• Ask about employment-related payments (salary, holiday compensation)
• Arrange the return of keys and work equipment
• Read more about employer obligations

Informing your own employer

• Notify your supervisor of the death of a loved one
• Tell them how long you estimate you will be absent
• You are entitled to a paid day off for a close family member's funeral
• Agree on cover arrangements and ongoing work

What to tell colleagues

• Your supervisor can inform the team, if you wish
• Decide for yourself how much you share – you are not obliged to give details
• You can ask that the matter not be discussed until you are ready
• Many colleagues will want to express condolences – give them the opportunity

Social media

Social media is now a common way to announce a death to a wider circle.

When to publish

• Only after all close ones have received the news personally
• Agree within the family who will publish and when
• Do not rush – it is better to wait a day than to hurt someone

What to publish

• A clear announcement of the death
• The deceased's name and date of death
• A brief mention of their life or personality
• Information about the funeral (open or invitation-only)
• Instructions for expressing condolences

What to avoid

• Do not publish medical details without the family's permission
• Do not publish photographs of the deceased without the family's consent
• Do not publish before all close ones know
• Avoid overly detailed descriptions of the death

The deceased's social media accounts

• Facebook: can be memorialised or deleted
• Instagram: can be memorialised
• LinkedIn: can be deleted or the death can be reported
• Read more about digital inheritance

Special situations

Certain deaths require special consideration in notification.

Sudden death

• The shock is greater – be especially careful in how you tell
• Make sure the listener is not left alone
• Share only basic information – details later
• Offer immediate support

Suicide

• Share the cause of death honestly but thoughtfully
• You are not obliged to tell everyone the manner of death
• Close ones can be told more; for distant acquaintances, "sudden death" is sufficient
• Read more about suicide bereavement

Death of a child

• An especially sensitive situation – give yourself time before notifying
• Other parents in the family may need support with notifications
• Informing the school, daycare and activity centres
• Notifying the parents of the child's friends

Death abroad

• The embassy or consulate assists with practical arrangements
• Notify loved ones of the death normally
• Share what is known and what is being investigated
• Provide an estimated timeline (repatriation of the deceased can take time)

Cultural perspectives

The ways of communicating a death vary across cultures.

Finnish tradition

• Death notice in the newspaper – a traditional way to inform a wider circle
• Details of the funeral service are included in the notice
• The notice is usually published before the funeral
• Nowadays, online memorial pages are also becoming more common

Other cultures in Finland

• In Islamic tradition, the death is communicated to the community quickly
• In Jewish tradition, burial takes place as soon as possible
• Different mourning period traditions in various cultures affect the notification process
• Respect the cultural practices of the deceased and the family

Read more about notifying authorities of a death.

Frequently asked questions

In what order should people be notified of a death?

First the closest family members, then relatives and friends, and finally the workplace and social media.

What should you say when telling someone about a death?

Be direct: "[Name] has died." Avoid euphemisms. Allow the listener to react in peace.

When can a death be posted on social media?

Only after all close ones have received the news personally. Agree within the family.

How do you tell a child about a death?

Honestly and in an age-appropriate way. Use clear words, not euphemisms. Allow the child's feelings and questions.