Memorial Speech – Tips and Examples
· 2 min read
Speech structure
A good memorial speech follows a clear structure: opening, body, and conclusion. In the opening you say who you are and your relationship to the deceased. In the body you share 2–3 concrete memories or stories that illustrate the deceased's character. In the conclusion you summarise what the deceased meant to you and to others. This structure helps the speaker stay on topic and the listeners follow the speech.
Content tips
Focus on concrete memories rather than cliches. Tell of an event that illuminates the personality of the deceased — for example their kindness, humour, or determination. Mention the deceased's impact on other people. You may use a short quote that was typical of the deceased. Avoid long lists of achievements and focus on the kind of person the deceased was in everyday life and to their loved ones.
Managing nerves
Nerves are entirely normal. Practise the speech aloud at least three times so the text becomes familiar. Mark in your notes the points where you want to pause. Take a glass of water to the speaker's table. Take a deep breath before starting and speak calmly. If emotion overwhelms you, pause — the audience understands and waits patiently. It is worth arranging a backup person in advance.
Practical instructions
Print the speech in a sufficiently large font and number the pages. Speak into the microphone evenly and maintain occasional eye contact with the audience. Do not read word for word; let the notes support a freer delivery. If there are multiple speakers, agree in advance on the order and time limits so the programme runs smoothly.
Example openings
A few openings that can be adapted: "My father taught me that..." or "I especially remember the day when..." or "If I could describe them in one word, it would be...". A personal opening appeals to the audience better than a general greeting. Start with a story, and the listeners are immediately drawn into the deceased's world.
Frequently asked questions
How long should a memorial speech be?
A good memorial speech lasts 3–7 minutes, which corresponds to approximately one A4 page of text. A short and concise speech is always better than one that is too long. Guests listen best to concise speeches, and several short speeches create a more versatile picture of the deceased than one long one. If there are multiple speakers, a maximum of 3–4 minutes each can be agreed.
Is humour allowed in a memorial speech?
Yes, gentle and warm humour is acceptable and even welcome in a memorial speech, when it relates to genuine memories and respects the personality of the deceased. Humour can lighten the mood and bring out the best sides of the deceased's character. However, avoid mockery, inside jokes that not everyone understands, or an overly light tone. A good rule of thumb is that the deceased themselves would have laughed along.
How do you prepare if you are afraid of crying?
Practise the speech out loud several times before the service, so that some of the emotional charge is released in advance. Keep notes with you so you can pick up from where you left off after a pause. Arrange a backup person in advance who can finish reading the speech if needed. Keep a glass of water within reach and remember to breathe calmly. The audience understands showing emotion — it reflects caring.
Who can give a memorial speech?
Anyone who knew the deceased can give a memorial speech: a family member, a friend, a colleague, or a representative of a community. The speaker does not need to be an experienced performer. The most important thing is a genuine relationship with the deceased and a desire to share memories. A pastor or officiant can also give a memorial speech, especially if the family finds it difficult to speak themselves.
What should not be said in a memorial speech?
Avoid mentioning private matters of the deceased or the family that they would not have wanted made public. Do not address conflicts, disputes, or painful family situations. Also avoid cliches like 'time heals all wounds', as they can feel superficial to those grieving. Instead, speak of concrete memories and what made the deceased unique. Honesty and warmth are the best combination.
Read also
Memorial service programme step by step: welcoming words, memorial speeches, music, and refreshments. Practical tips for a smooth service in Finland.
Music at a memorial service: song choices, live music, background music, and copyright. Tips for selecting music for the programme in Finland.
Memorial service etiquette: dress code, behaviour, phone use, and the right words. A guide to good manners at a Finnish memorial service.