Personalised Funerals – How to Arrange a Service That Honours the Deceased's Life | Muistovalkea
· 5 min
Personalised funerals honour the deceased's life through their own values and preferences – and they are increasingly popular in Finland.
- Music, theme, and memorial format are all freely customisable
- Personalisation does not mean disrespect – quite the opposite
- A celebrant or pastor can help plan a unique service
A funeral that reflects the deceased
Traditional funerals -- hymns, a pastor's sermon, a coffee reception -- are beautiful and respectful. But what if the deceased was a rock musician, a passionate fisherman, or someone who wanted their funeral to be remembered for laughter?
Personalised funerals are not about abandoning traditions. They are about expanding tradition so that the service honours the deceased's unique life and personality.
Music -- the soul of the service
At church funerals
Even at church funerals, music other than hymns can be included:
- Hymns are part of the liturgy, but other music can accompany them
- A recorded song between hymns
- A soloist's performance -- the deceased's favourite song
- Discuss with the pastor: most are flexible
At civil funerals
There are no music restrictions:
- The deceased's favourite music from start to finish
- A live band or acoustic performance
- A DJ playlist tailored to the deceased's taste
- Instrumental music to set the mood
Popular songs in Finland
- Peaceful: Sibelius: Finlandia Hymn, Maija Vilkkumaa: Lottovoitto
- Nostalgic: Juice Leskinen: Syksyn sävel, Hector: Lumi teki enkelin eteeni
- Energetic: Eppu Normaali: Murheellisten laulujen maa, CMX: Ruoste
- International: Leonard Cohen: Hallelujah, Eric Clapton: Tears in Heaven
Themed funerals
Nature theme
For someone who loved nature:
- Blessing in a forest chapel or outdoors
- Wildflowers and evergreen boughs as floral arrangements
- Nature-themed music
- Memorial at a cottage or in nature
- Scattering of ashes at the deceased's favourite place
Sea theme
A fisherman, sailor, or someone who grew up by the coast:
- Maritime elements
- Lowering a biodegradable sea urn into the water
- Memorial at a harbour or on the beach
- Music: sea shanties, sounds of waves
Sports theme
A sports fan or active athlete:
- Team colours and symbols on display
- Memorial at the sports club's premises
- Sports videos and photos
- Speeches from teammates
Music theme
A musician or music lover:
- Live music throughout the service
- Jam session at the memorial
- The deceased's instruments on display
- Speeches from bandmates or fellow musicians
Garden theme
A gardener or flower lover:
- Flowers from their own garden
- Seed packets as gifts for guests
- Memorial in the garden
- Planting in memory of the deceased
Dress code
Colour wishes
At an increasing number of funerals, guests are asked to wear something other than black:
- "We wish for colourful attire in memory of [name]"
- "[Name] loved red – please wear it too"
- "Dress as [name] would have wished – casually and cheerfully"
Themed dress
- A team shirt at a sports fan's funeral
- Blue and white at a sailor's funeral
- Band logo T-shirts
Types of memorial gatherings
Traditional coffee reception -- with a personal touch
A traditional memorial can be personalised with small changes:
- The deceased's favourite foods on offer
- A photo slideshow in the background
- A memory book where guests write their stories
- Items that were important to the deceased on display
Dinner gathering
A memorial at a restaurant without the traditional coffee reception format:
- Dining together
- Speeches from the table
- A more relaxed atmosphere
- Alcohol by agreement
Barbecue or picnic
In summer, in the spirit of the deceased:
- In a relaxed setting
- Grilled sausages and salads
- Reminiscing around a campfire
- Among family and friends
Memorial walk
- A group walk in a place that was important to the deceased
- Stopping to share memories
- A fitting tribute for someone who loved exercise
Music evening
- Live music or a listening session
- The deceased's favourite songs
- Memorial speeches between songs
- Dancing allowed (and encouraged)
Practical ideas
Keepsakes for guests
- Seed packet ("plant a tree in memory of [name]")
- A small candle
- A photo card
- A recipe card (the deceased's favourite recipe)
- A bookmark with a favourite quotation
Group activities
- Planting a memorial tree
- Lighting candles on water
- Creating art together (e.g. painting or writing)
- Floating paper boats on water
- Releasing balloons (note: not environmentally friendly)
Digital memorials
- A QR code linking to the deceased's memorial page
- Memorial video -- a slideshow set to music
- A digital guest book
- Memorial candle online
Planning together
Planning a personalised funeral can be a healing process:
- Ask family and friends: What would [name] have wanted?
- Gather ideas: Write down all suggestions
- Choose a theme or thread: One unifying idea that ties the service together
- Discuss with the pastor or celebrant: They will help blend personal elements with tradition
- Delegate: Give friends and family roles -- it is also a way for them to participate
Frequently asked questions
Can you play something other than hymns at a funeral?
Yes, even at church funerals. At civil funerals, music is entirely free to choose.
Is a fun service disrespectful?
No. At many funerals, laughter and tears alternate. It honours the deceased's personality.
Is a personalised service more expensive?
Not necessarily. Personalisation comes from content, not money.
Can the service be held somewhere other than a church?
The memorial, yes. A civil ceremony, also.
How can you incorporate hobbies?
Display items, build a theme, choose relevant music, and invite hobby companions to speak.
Sources
Frequently asked questions
Can you play something other than hymns at a funeral?
Yes. Even at church funerals, music other than hymns can be played. The structure is agreed upon with the pastor. At civil funerals, music is entirely free to choose. Many funerals feature the deceased's favourite music – it makes the service personal and authentic.
Is it appropriate to have fun at a funeral?
Yes. Many people wish to be remembered with laughter, not tears. Warm, funny memories and stories are entirely appropriate – they honour the deceased's personality. Laughter and tears can alternate at a funeral, and that is both human and beautiful.
How can you incorporate the deceased's hobbies into the service?
In many ways: if the deceased was a fisherman, the theme could be nature and water. A music lover's funeral might feature a live band. A gardener's funeral might have flowers from their own garden. Items such as books, sports equipment, and photos can be displayed. At the memorial, recipes, stories, or hobby-related mementoes can be shared.
Is a personalised service more expensive?
Not necessarily. Personalisation comes from content, not money. A self-curated Spotify playlist, homemade decorations, photographs, and personal speeches cost nothing. On the other hand, a live band or a special venue will add costs. Personalisation is more a question of attitude than budget.
Can the service be held somewhere other than a church?
Yes. The blessing ceremony is held in a church or chapel, but the memorial can be held anywhere: a restaurant, cottage, garden, boat, forest, sports hall – the deceased's favourite place. At civil funerals, the ceremony itself can also be held outside a church.